Reaction
by AMiserableLove
Summary: Takes place immediately after Backslide. Jess' reaction to Nick moving out. Angsty stuff.
1. Chapter 1

**How heartbroken did Jess look at the end of Backslide? **

**I quickly wrote this after. Not really a happy ending to the episode, just an exploration of Jess' inner thoughts as the weight of Nick leaving crashes down on her. I know I usually write fluff...but in my defense I whipped this sucker out an hour after the show, I just couldn't turn my brain off after those last five minutes.  
**

***sigh*  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl...  
**

* * *

She felt as if she had gotten the wind knocked out of her.

Watching Nick's retreating figure as he disappeared into the hall she tried to calm her suddenly rapid breathing.

He was leaving.

He was leaving to move in with Caroline.

Looking up at the ceiling she blew out a shaky breath as she tried to blink back the tears that were suddenly threatening to spill over her tired eyes. She felt so confused, so conflicted. A variety of emotions were swirling throughout her at that moment, and she was quite certain she was on the verge of a small panic attack. Why was she so upset? Why did she suddenly feel like curling up into a ball and crying? One moment she had been happy and excited to share her news with a good friend. To share with him that it was okay to be alone, that they could get through this tough time in their lives together. They could face the uncertain road that lay before them with each other…as buds, confidants, and partners. And now…now she felt as if she were teetering on the brink of a realization she wasn't ready, wasn't stable enough to comprehend…to accept. Wrapping her arms around her body she stared blankly into the hallway.

He was leaving.

Her chin began to tremble as that single thought cruelly played over and over again in her brain. Biting on her lip she shook her head, silently telling herself to pull it together. Why was she so upset? Why? Turning away from the bathroom doorway she caught sight of herself in the mirror.

Dark disheveled hair, red-rimmed blue eyes shining with tears, bloodless pale face, a mouth turned down into a tight frown.

She looked like a woman with a broken heart.

"Oh God." She whispered meeting her watery blue gaze in the mirror. Her reflection smiled sadly back at her as the full weight of Nick's imminent departure from their crazy, happy little loft crashed suddenly on her.

He was leaving.

Walking over to the sink she turned on the faucet and let the water run for a bit before cupping it in her hands and splashing the cool liquid on her face. Her brain was racing, still cruel…only now it was viciously replaying moments…memories she had shared with Nick. She was remembering things that she had secretly deemed special, and had filed away to a safe part of her brain. Those special moments that had made her smile, but always, always, she had pushed to the back of her mind, refusing to allow herself to analyze, to consider why they made her so happy…why they always brought a smile to her face, when she allowed herself to remember them.

Soft touches, lingering glances, heartfelt advice, shouting matches, laughing at a funny joke.

She began pulling up memory after memory.

How he stuck around when their landlord Remy had stayed for dinner at the loft. How he had felt the need to protect her, watch over her, and then somehow had challenged her to a threesome all while truly trying to have good intentions toward her. She had almost allowed him to kiss her…she had almost wanted him to.

She smiled when her brain flashed to another memory, just a quick one, of them brushing their teeth together. Of the looks they had shared in the mirror, the knowing gazes and goofy smirks.

Her smile became a soft laugh as she thought about a more recent memory. Sitting outside of his locked bedroom door, both trying to talk some sense into Russell's infatuated daughter. The soft laugh became a bit more hysterical as she thought of the laughs they had shared and the smiles they had exchanged while trying to convince Sarah that they were a pair of the world's most messed up weirdos.

Quickly that hysterical laugh turned into a sigh and that sigh turned into a hiccup, and that hiccup threatened to turn into something that very much felt like a cry.

Because now…now it was too late. Now, because she had neglected to explore those moments, those feelings, for fear of getting hurt again or ruining their friendship...she had missed her chance.

Because Nick had never really been just her friend.

No matter how many times she had ignored those special glances, and soft smiles, and secret moments…she had known it deep down inside. She had known that one day she would want something more with him. One day, she would gain the courage to take the next step.

And now it was too late.

Turning around and sliding to the floor she welcomed the feel of the cool tile against her skin. Pressing the palm of her hand to her chest she finally let her emotions consume her.

Hot wet tears streaked down her cheeks.

He was leaving.

"Oh God." She whispered again.

* * *

**If you hate me for writing this go read Sunshine and Lollipops...it's a bit more lighthearted! :)**

**Thanks for reading! Please review! :)**

**-Okay after reading the first reviews and PMS...I know some of you really want me to continue this, and I'm seriously considering it. BUT, I honestly wasn't expecting to write anything after Backslide. And, I still have one more chapter of Sunshine to write. I just thought Jess looked so sad, that I wanted to explore what she could be thinking, without necessarily stepping on the toes of the finale. BUT I am taking your suggestions into consideration! My calendar is getting kinda crazy...BUT I've become an insomniac lately so who knows...maybe I'll write something more for this in the wee hours of the morning sometime soon.  
**

**:)  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well I say I'm going to do one thing and I go and do something completely different. This story was supposed to be a one-shot, but after reading your comments and PMs I decided to extend it. Not only that but it will more likely be a 3 part story as opposed to the proposed two-shot alternatives that were politely suggested to me. You know...I get wordy...so yeah.**

**Oh and I haven't forgotten about Sunshine and Lollipops :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl**

**Please read and review. Thank you.**

* * *

_Pull it together, Jess._

She looked around her at the bathroom walls, the cold tile floor, and the porcelain sink. How long had she been sitting on the floor letting her emotions get the best of her? Taking a deep breath and wiping the last of her tears away, she slowly got up. Her eyes hurt, her head hurt…her heart hurt.

Walking over to the sink, she felt as if she were moving through a thick fog. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. Sluggishly she reached to turn on the faucet, slowly she looked into the mirror, once again shocked by her reflection…her clearly distraught features. She even felt like her breathing was slow and shallow. Closing her eyes, she ran a hand down her face, not able to stand the sight of herself in the mirror. It was too hard seeing the truth so blatantly staring back at her.

But that was no good…Nick just came to mind.

Feeling herself beginning to break again she shook her head furiously, almost as if the harder she moved her head the better chance she would have at shaking the memories, the pictures of him out of her brain. The better chance she would have to rid herself of the sudden and unexpected realization she had just come to.

She loved Nick.

Or she cared for him…very deeply.

She was such a mess of emotions at that moment, she couldn't place her feelings, couldn't pinpoint them exactly. But they were strong, always had been. She had just been foolishly denying them. She had thought that if she kept a steady stream of men in her life then maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't have to admit how deep they went.

Cece's words from so many months ago rang clear and strong in her head.

_He's a total Matthu…I'm telling you he gets you!_

"Oh Jess." She whispered to herself, her voice hushed and shaky.

Why had she been so quick to dismiss what her best friend had so clearly and obviously seen? Why hadn't she just accepted all of those months ago that he was perfect for her…they balanced each other. Staring down at the running water she quickly turned it off, not sure why she had turned it on in the first place. Wiping away a stray tear she rolled her eyes at her overly emotional self.

Absolutely pathetic.

Annoyed, she tried to turn off her brain, but the questions kept circling her mind. Why had it taken him leaving the loft and running straight into the arms of the only woman he had ever loved, a woman who was completely wrong for him, to open her eyes? Should she keep her feelings from him? Should she just let him go, never revealing anything to him?

Of course she should.

Of course she shouldn't.

She sighed, exhausted.

"Hey Jess…you still in here?"

Jumping at the sound of Nick's voice, she quickly turned the faucet back on, pretending to wash her hands.

Clearing her throat she concentrated on the water currently running over her skin. "Yeah um I had something in my contact and was trying to get it out. " She said softly, not looking up at him as he stepped up to the sink next to hers.

"You okay?" He asked turning his faucet on, from what she could see out of the corner of her eye he had something in his hand. When he began brushing his teeth, she let her eyes fall back to her sink.

She cleared her throat again, a nervous habit of hers, and turned her water off before turning away from him. "Yeah I'm fine. Um…I'll see you later or something."

She heard him spit.

"Jess wait…um, about that stuff you said before…that was really…"

Still not looking up at him she waved his comment away. "Just forget it." She mumbled, before moving towards the door.

He beat her to it.

When he stepped in front of her, she sighed as she stared at their feet. They were pointing to each other. She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to contain her emotions. She couldn't look at him. She just couldn't.

"Hey what's wrong?" He asked her, his voice was gentle. She really wished it wasn't. It was making being around him that much more unbearable.

"Nothing." She said, pleading with herself to keep her voice steady. "My um…my eye hurts…I'm just tired…I need to lay down."

When she felt his strong hands grip her upper arms, she inwardly sighed.

"Hey look at me."

She shook her head mutely. Didn't he understand that if she looked at him she would completely lose it? No…of course he didn't. He was totally clueless. And she couldn't blame him; she had been blissfully clueless, or rather ignorant, up until just recently. How could she expect him to know her feelings when she had only just allowed herself to realize them?

"Jess you know I'm more stubborn than you are. I'll wait you out." He said in a light but concerned tone.

She wanted to laugh at him, knowing it was true. But his simple statement, his gently concerned voice, only made her want to cry more. Why had she been so blind before? Why had she been so scared to admit her feelings?

"Jess come on, look at me. Tell me what's wrong."

"I can't." She said simply, shrugging her shoulders.

When his hands began to rub her arms gently up and down, she felt her chin begin to tremble. As yet another tear made it's way down her face, she scowled at it, and watched it dropped from the tip of her nose to splash on the floor between them.

"Hey." He said, and letting go of her arms he brought a hand under her chin and cupped her face, forcing her to meet his eyes.

"You're crying." His voice sounded slightly shocked and he looked dumbfounded as he watched another tear trail its way down her cheek.

"It's nothing." Embarrassed she wiped her face. "It's nothing." She said again.

"It's not nothing. You're crying. When I left before…you weren't crying. What happened? Is it Paul? Are you upset about him getting engaged? I thought you were happy for him?" His dark eyes were searching her face, and she couldn't bear to see the sympathy that lurked in them, so she cast her gaze over his shoulder, trying her hardest to work up a smile.

"No. God no it's not Paul. Honestly it's nothing…just over emotional Jess." She wondered how genuine her shaky smile looked.

Apparently not genuine enough, because when she ventured a look at him, he was still staring hard at her, searching her face for answers she wouldn't, couldn't give him.

"Jess…tell me." It was a simple demand, really.

"No." She told his shoulder firmly, once again refusing to meet his gaze.

She knew she was only making him even more curious. She knew that by not even attempting to give him an excuse for her tears, she was only making him question her further. With each second that ticked away his interest was becoming increasingly piqued. But her brain was too muddled for her to come up with a decent reason for crying.

"Are you upset about me moving out?" His question was quietly spoken and surprised her so much that she found her eyes flashing to his. He was staring at her…his expression unreadable.

"What?" She laughed, it sounded slightly frantic in her ears. She shook her head and tried to act as if his question was funny, as if she thought he was joking, but she heard the quiver in her voice that gave her away.

As did he.

"Jess. You're wrong about Caroline and me…it's different now." His tone was steady, his eyes intense.

She hated that he was trying to explain, defend, his decision. And she couldn't help herself from reacting to it.

"Oh God." She practically scoffed, unable to keep the bitterness from her voice. It didn't go unnoticed by either of them.

His mouth dipped down into a frown, a turtle face, and he threw up his hands, clearly frustrated. "Why can't you just be happy for me!"

She closed her eyes briefly. They were going to have this conversation. They were really going to do this. She was going to have to put herself through talking about this, now, after she had just figured out her feelings for him. Glancing up at him, at his angry and expectant face she huffed out a breath. Yes, they were going to do this. She took a moment and counted to ten, preparing herself.

"Huh Jess? Why can't you just for one second be happy for me?"

This was too much.

"Answer me Jess! Why can't you be happy for me?"

"I can't be happy for you when you are making a mistake!" Her words, coming out in a shout, practically a shriek, surprised even her.

"You barely even know Caroline!" He shouted back, anger evident in his voice.

She rolled her eyes and laughed, it was a cold and harsh sound. "I know what she did to you Nick!"

She could feel her temper rising, and suddenly all she could feel was anger. Anger at his stupidity for blindly going back to the woman who had made him miserable. Anger at herself, for it taking something as big as that for her to let her feelings come to surface. And anger at him for just being him and for sneaking up on her and working his way into her heart.

He shook his head, he looked downright dangerous at that moment, and when he stepped up to her in a predatory kind of way, they were close, extremely close. She wanted to take a step back, but refused to back down to him. She was too angry, and anger felt much better, much safer, than what she had been feeling only moments ago.

"People change." His voice was low; his eyes were burning into hers.

"Not people like her. You gave her chances Nick, you gave her chance after chance, and every time, every single time she hurt you. Why give her another chance? I'll tell you why…it's because you are a coward. Caroline is what you know, it's what you are comfortable with. You are so afraid of being alone...so afraid of life in general, that you'd rather fall back on something as hostile and self destructive as a relationship with _her_." She was breathing heavily. He was such an idiot. Such a stupid, clueless idiot.

His eyes didn't leave her face as his expression darkened at her words and he leaned in even closer to her. "You don't know what you are talking about."

She rolled her eyes, the bitter part of her enjoying when his own narrowed at the action. "Okay Nick. Sure you keep telling yourself that. You're making a mistake, you know it, I know it, Schmidt and Winston know it, just own up to it."

He didn't say anything for a moment. The silence between them hung heavy and thick. They stared at each other, their breathing the only sound that could be heard. She was aware of how close they were standing. She was aware of how his face was just inches from hers, his eyes glaring down at her, his body just barely brushing against hers. She was aware of it all, but she tried to push it from her mind. She tried not to focus on it. She just focused on her anger, and how mad she was at him…at herself.

Finally he broke the silence.

"You know what Jess. I'm done. I'm done with this conversation." He stepped back from her, and her body immediately registered the loss of warmth his closeness had provided.

Her chin trembled as he took another step back, still watching her. Anger still clear on his face he shook his head. "I just wish you could be happy for me." He sounded sad, slightly resigned.

She bit her lip. She could feel tears threatening her eyes. "I can't." She said it simply, almost apologetically.

At her words, the fury slowly vanished from his expression, until he was just Nick. With his warm brown eyes, and a scruffy unshaven face.

"Why?" He asked her in a somewhat pleading tone.

Why? It was a simple question.

Why? It was a loaded question.

Smiling sadly she held his eyes. "I…I just can't." She said, her voice hoarse with emotion.

"That's not good enough."

She nodded. "I know." She didn't even bother to swat away the tear that trickled its way down her cheek.

He watched the tear as it trailed down her face, and something flashed in his eyes.

"Tell me." He asked her, in a soft unsure tone.

She swallowed, her throat felt tight, and her heart was beating fast and hard. She looked up at the ceiling, not able to face those dark eyes anymore.

"Jess tell me…please."

She shook her head fast she could feel her anger melting away, her resolve crumbling. "Please don't make me." She whispered to the ceiling.

He stepped towards her again, and then again, until he was directly in front of her once more.

"Look at me."

She wanted to refuse him, but she was so tired. So very tired. So she let her eyes slowly wander down from the ceiling to meet his. He was so close again, and the anger that had been so clear in his eyes only moments ago was no longer anywhere in his deep dark gaze. She wasn't sure what she saw there. But she knew looking into them, that she could never look at him the same way again.

"Jess…what's going on?" He spoke slowly, carefully.

"Noth-"

"Don't say nothing."

She snapped her mouth shut.

"Why are you so upset?" He sounded almost desperate, panicked.

She sighed; it came out shaky and broken. "Please Nick…don't ask me again."

"Tell me."

"I can't."

He narrowed his eyes and stepped towards her so they were now almost nose-to-nose.

"Tell me."

"Nick…please." She searched his eyes, she felt as if she were about to lose control. He had to stop asking her. She had to leave; she had to get away from him before she did something stupid. Before she did or said something they would both regret.

He placed a hand in her hair, running his fingers through it. "Tell me."

She closed her eyes at the feeling.

"Jess tell-"

And before she had a chance to over think it, to talk herself out of it, to list all of the reasons why it was a terrible idea, to tell herself anything that came after would inevitably end in heartbreak for her, she reached up and grabbed his face in both of her hands.

And she kissed him.

* * *

**Thanks for reading. Please review! :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, so I had mentioned in the first place I wanted this to be a three-part story (after I had changed it from a one-shot) and I managed to do that. I hope you all enjoy the conclusion to this angsty little fiction. **

**Please read and review. Thank you.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl.**

* * *

She kissed him.

And for a few brief moments she let everything else around her fade away. She threw herself completely into the kiss. In doing so, she tried her hardest to forget about feelings and emotions she had been denying herself. She pushed away realizations she had just recently made, and instead she focused on the task at hand. She concentrated on losing herself to the warm embrace of the man that held her.

And that's when she realized Nick was indeed holding her.

His arms had wrapped around her and he had pulled her body up against his. He was kissing her back, hotly responding to what she had initiated. She tried to wrap her head around it. As their tongues battled with each other, she tried to pull some kind of reasoning into the situation, but as he backed her up against the cold bathroom wall she lost her train of thought and instead let herself fall into the kiss once more.

He broke away from her mouth and she sighed frustrated, but her sigh turned into a soft moan as he trailed a line of kisses gently down her neck. When he whispered her name against her skin, she shuddered at the feeling, at the sound. Something in the back of her head was telling her to stop, demanding she break away from the spell she was currently under, but she refused to listen and instead ran her hands up his chest and to his face that was still buried in her neck. His mouth was doing delicious things against her skin, but she needed to kiss him again, she needed the intensity, the passion, she needed to forget why she was here in the first place. Without his mouth firmly pressed against hers, she was able to think too clearly. Pulling his face up from her neck, she forced his lips to meet hers once again.

He kissed her, enthusiastically, passionately, maybe a little roughly, and she welcomed it, savored it, needed it.

He pushed her blazer off her shoulders and she barely noticed as it fell to the ground. She tore at his flannel, unbuttoning it with fast clumsy fingers and when she felt his hand skim up her thigh, her breath caught and her skin began to tingle. A warmth spread through her body and when his name tumbled from her lips, it came out ragged, she could barely recognize her own voice.

She knew that they were moving fast. The voice in her head was screaming for her to put a stop to it, trying to remind her that there was something very important that she was forgetting. But she was too caught up in the kiss, too emotionally drained...to think about any possible repercussions. All she wanted to do was feel, feel anything but what she had just discovered lurked in her heart.

She wasn't strong enough to stop. And as he hitched her leg up and began wrapping it around his waist, she realized that neither was he.

That was until something came along and forced them to stop. And that something, came in the form of Caroline, calling out his name from somewhere in the hallway.

It was like someone had dumped a bucket of cold water on them.

She pushed him away from her. Chest heaving, eyes wide. She stared at him and he stared back at her. His dark eyes were looking at her, with an expression...an emotion she couldn't place. His shirt, was hanging open, his hair messed up more than usual. As she smoothed her skirt back into place with shaky hands she could only imagine what she looked like at that moment.

She glanced down at the floor, feeling the weight of what had just occurred between them slowly begin to crash down on her and she felt her control begin to slip from her grasp.

"Jess." He spoke her name softly, his voice hoarse and full of emotion.

She swallowed she couldn't speak. Her throat was tight, and her eyes were filling with tears again. She flinched slightly when Caroline called Nick's name out again.

_Caroline._

_Nick was with Caroline._

_Nick was with Caroline and he was leaving._

_Nick was with Caroline and he was leaving to move in with her._

She shook her head furiously at the thoughts.

"Oh God." She whispered, her hands slowly coming up to her mouth. Her lips were tender and felt slightly swollen from their hot and intensely passionate kiss. She shot her gaze to his; he was still watching her, his hands clenched into fists at his side. "Oh God."

"Jess…" He said her name again, his voice full of apology.

She couldn't, wouldn't listen to him apologize for the kiss they had shared. She couldn't bear it.

"Don't." She said in a small soft voice, stopping him from speaking further. Bending down she picked up her blazer that had been tossed to the floor in their moment of passion and straightening, she gave him a small pleading smile. "Please don't."

She went to walk past him, she could feel a sob bubbling up in her throat, she needed to get as far away from him as possible, but he reached out and grabbed her arm, stopping her.

"Please." She said, her voice coming out in a quiver. "God Nick. Please...she's right outside...and I can't deal with this. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I kissed you."

And before he had a chance to respond, to answer her, she pulled her arm from his grasp and ran from the bathroom, barely able to mumble an apology to Caroline as she practically collided with her in the hallway.

"Have you seen Nick?" The blonde asked her, as Jess rushed past her.

"Bathroom." Was all she was able to choke out, before running into the safety of her own room. Closing the door behind her she slid to the ground, and holding her head in her hands, she let herself cry for the second time that day.

Like before when she had let her emotions consume her, she lost track of time. She wasn't sure how long she sat on her bedroom floor crying, but when the last of her tears had fallen, when the last sob had escaped her lips, she felt exhausted. Standing, she walked over to her dresser and with heavy arms pulled open a drawer and picked out her most comfortable set of pajamas. As she peeled her clothes off, she tried to push away the images flashing in her brain of Nick pushing her against the wall, of his mouth kissing her hotly, of her name whispered from his lips against her skin. When she was dressed again, she shuffled her way over to her bed and threw herself onto it, wondering how long she could stay in her room without one of her roommates barging in to see what her problem was.

As her door swung open and crashed into the wall behind it, she couldn't help the small smile that tugged at her lips; apparently it wouldn't be long at all. When Nick strode into her room and slammed the door shut behind him, the smile quickly fled her lips and she stared at him, mouth hanging open slightly, not sure what to say.

He pinned her with his dark gaze, he looked tired, drained. He studied her, his eyes roaming over her, and she felt self conscious at his blatant perusal.

"You've been crying again." He stated it; his voice was clipped, gruff, maybe even slightly accusing.

She wiped at her face self consciously, not sure what to say. He seemed on edge, he seemed furious. She wondered if he was angry with her for kissing him. And then she remembered Caroline, who was probably still somewhere in the apartment, and she bit her lip. Of course he was angry with her.

"Just a little." She knew it was pointless to deny it. She was sure her face was still red from her tears.

The anger vanished from his face and he took a step towards her, she wanted to tell him to stop, beg him not to come any closer, but she doubted he would listen, so her mouth remained firmly shut.

"Why?" He asked her, his eyes still on her, searching for answers.

Her chin quivered and she bit the inside of her lip. She was a complete mess. Shrugging, she shook her head. "I don't know."

"Liar." He whispered, coming to a halt in front of her.

She stared up at him from her place on her bed. She wished he would leave. After her little display in the bathroom, didn't he realize how difficult it was to be in the same room as him, so close to him.

"Nick…" She said in a trembling voice. She hated how weak, how defeated it sounded. "Please…please just leave."

"No."

He said it simply and she wanted to hate him for refusing. But his refusal, his stubbornness, it was one of the reasons she had fallen for him. No matter how bad she wanted to muster up resentment towards the man that refused to back away from her and leave her alone, she couldn't. So instead she stared up at him helplessly.

"Why…why won't you just leave?"

"You kissed me."

She felt her face heat at his words; her back went up a bit. "You kissed me back." Her tone was somewhat defensive and accusing, maybe even slightly childish.

He nodded. "I did."

She sighed, she was still so _so_ tired. "But I started it and…and I'm sorry."

He stared down at her, those dark eyes practically burning her with the intensity of his gaze. "Are you?"

She nodded slowly, unable to tear herself away from his stare. "Yes. No…I mean…yes."

"Why did you do it?"

She dropped her gaze to her hands; clasping them together, she pursed her lips. She couldn't answer that. How could she tell him?

"Please don't ask me that." She whispered.

"Jess." His voice was gentle.

She shook her head at her name softly spoken and focused on her hands. "Please Nick…you don't have to ask. You know why." Her voice was barely audible, but she was sure he had heard her.

He didn't say anything, and silence engulfed them. As she stared down at her hands, her chipped nail polish, she wondered if he expected her to say something more. But really, what else was there to say? She had thrown herself at him and she had kissed him. And she had done this shortly after finding out he was leaving, and on top of all of that...she had cried in front of him. It wasn't hard to connect the dots. He must know why she was upset, why she kissed him, why she couldn't bear to look at him.

"Why didn't you say something…do something sooner?"

His voice startled her out of her thoughts, and she glanced up at him. He was still staring down at her with those dark penetrating eyes.

She shrugged. He was so stubborn. "I don't know." She got up quickly and brushed past him, relieved when he allowed her to walk to the other side of the room to put some space between them. Turning around she shrugged again. "I don't know if I realized it…my feelings…until I knew you were leaving." She paused, took a steadying breath. "Actually that's not true. I think I've always known…I've just been denying them."

_Don't cry._

She silently begged herself as she let him take her words in.

He ran a hand down his face and then back up again before directing his attention back to her. He looked so tired, she wanted to walk over to him and give him a hug, but that would be no good for either of them.

"I'm not moving in with Caroline." He said it suddenly, and because she wasn't expecting it, she could do nothing but stare at him. "In fact, we…we aren't together at all anymore."

She swallowed, letting his words sink in. She wanted to feel happy. But all she could feel was crushing guilt. She had run into his girlfriend…or his ex-girlfriend in the hall. She had been a mess then too. And although she wasn't sure what she had looked like exactly when Caroline had seen her, she knew she had been clearly upset. And she had directed her to the bathroom, where she had obviously just come from and where Nick had been, with his shirt unbuttoned and hair messed up. She wondered if Caroline had caught him looking like that. She wondered what conclusions she had drawn.

"I'm sorry." She said in a strained voice. "I'm sorry if I…if…well I'm just sorry if I messed things up for you." She didn't know what else to say.

He took a step toward her, his eyes never leaving her face. "You didn't. You just put things in motion that were bound to happen anyway…I never would have moved in with her...when it came down to it. I never could have left this place."

She bit her lip as he came closer to her. "Because it's your home?" She inquired, watching as he continued to close the space between them.

"Because you're here." He said it simply.

She blew out a shaky breath at that. "Oh." She couldn't believe that was all she could manage to say.

He smirked at her, and stopped when he was just inches from her. Reaching out, he grabbed her hand and held it in his. "Even if I had made the mistake and left, I would have come back. Because of you. You, Jessica Day...have managed to completely turn my life upside down."

His hands felt secure, strong, and comforting. "Um I'm sorry?"

He chuckled at her, the sound made her feel warm inside. "Are you?"

She shrugged. "I'm not sure…I'm still trying to process the fact that you're not moving out."

He slowly pulled her to him. "Like you, I've been denying it for awhile. I thought moving in with Caroline, starting a relationship with her was for the best, but really it was because I was...I was scared. Ever since you moved in I've been trying my hardest to keep you at arms length. It's kind of embarrassing to admit it, but you scare the hell out of me Jess."

As he wrapped an arm around her waist, all she could do was barely utter the question. "Why?"

He smiled down at her. "Because you make me feel things that I thought I'd never feel again…that I've never felt before. And…and I knew that if I let myself fall for you that there would be no going back…that…that would be it for me."

Oh she was going to cry. How could she not?

Looking up into his eyes, her vision slightly blurred by tears, she gave him a tremulous smile. "We are two very stupid people."

He laughed and lowered his forehead to hers. "The stupidest."

She suddenly felt so free, all of the weight she had been carrying around only moments before had been lifted from her, and she could feel happiness slowly start to sink in. "So now what?" She whispered to him, closing her eyes as he lifted his head to place a soft kiss in her hair.

"You let me kiss you…and then we go from there."

She grinned, her heart felt so full, and the tears that were flowing down her cheeks had nothing to do with sadness, or guilt, or shock at her feelings. She was so happy, so very very happy.

Tilting her head back, she looked up at him and felt her smile widen. "That sounds like an excellent idea."

And when he lowered his lips to hers and kissed her softly, tenderly this time, she sighed, feeling lighter than she had in months, because she knew in her heart that like Nick…this would be it for her too.

The End

* * *

**Who's excited for the finale tonight? Can't wait! :)**

**Please review!**


End file.
